I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
