pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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