I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
