I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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