Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
