in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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