So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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