cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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