He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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