But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just found puke in my bra..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
