So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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