I swear she didn't look like that last week.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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