How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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