bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize