just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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