Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
