I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
