I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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