they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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