I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
