All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
