What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
