i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
