so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize