I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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