Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
