It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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