I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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