I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
