He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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