you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
