I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
