do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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