just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i barfeds in our rink
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
