There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
