Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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