I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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