Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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