just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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