DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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