I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
