Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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