No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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