I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
