Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
