meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My dad is sitting where you rode me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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