i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize