i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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