Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
