That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize