if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
