so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize