I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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