why didn't you poke me back
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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