Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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