So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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