I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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