i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
