Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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