i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
