I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
