i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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