You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My legs feel like baby dolphins
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
