yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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