yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
