Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
