Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
