Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
