new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize