I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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