Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
