I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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