I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
