I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize